Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Busting Some Myths....

At first, I wasn't going to participate in this, but then I asked myself, "why not?"

Myth # 1
You're young, just give your body a couple of months, you'll get pregnant soon.

During my first marriage, I went off hormonal birth control when I was 23 years old.  This was 10 years after I had first started the pill due to my heavy cycles.   I really had no reason to worry about my fertility.  I was young, I was fairly healthy, and my partner had a little girl so there was proof that he could do his part.   I temped, charted, took prenatal vitamins, etc. I did everything that I was supposed to do.   My charts were a little confusing, I wasn't sure about ovulation dates, but I was getting my cycle every month.  
6 months and 7 months passed and I still wasn't pregnant.  I would cry every month, I had horrible jealous feelings of pregnant women, and my marriage was hanging on by a thread.
Then at the young age of 24, the marriage was over.  I won't go into detail here, but around that same time, I skipped a period.   I took a test and it was negative, so I went into the doctor and a nurse practitioner did a blood test.  Still negative.  

I knew something was wrong, but the nurse practitioner said they wouldn't do any other tests until I had not had a period for at least a few more months.

Finally, after 5 months of no cycle, I went into my normal OB/GYN who did some tests.  She was confident that I had PCOS and referred me to an endocrinologist who confirmed.   He blamed it all on my weight. Told me if I lost at least 20 pounds I would probably be fine.    I went to another endocrinologist who told me that to get pregnant someday, I would probably need to do IVF.

What happened to being young? What happened to just needing some time to get the hormones out of my system?    Little did I know, those hormones were just covering up a larger problem and now I had to deal with the fact that I was actually infertile.

So what did I do?  Well, I met an amazing, wonderful man.   He had two children from a previous marriage and after about a week or two of dating, he informed me that he had a vasectomy.   Hey, that's cool, I told myself since we were just dating.   Eventually, dating turned into the real thing and then my internal struggle began again.    He had a vasectomy, right?  He's done with kids.   Am I ok with this?  Maybe I'm not meant to be a mom, maybe I'm only meant to be a step-mom.   Then I would cry when I thought about never being a mommy.   What did this mean for us?    Thankfully, Brandon said he wanted another child with me.    But what did that mean for us?   You have 1 infertile and 1 snip-snipped guy. 

That brings me to another myth actually....

Myth #2
Just adopt.

Wait, say that again. Just adopt?  People make it sound so easy and simple.    But as you do research, you realize it's not that easy and it's by no means an easy decision.  I don't think anyone, after gaining correct knowledge, starts the adoption process with the idea that it will be an easy road. 
We came to the decision to adopt through lots of discussion, lots of research, and some soul searching.   Now that we've started the process, I know that it is by no means easy and it's not something you just jump into.

However, when it's the right decision for you, there is some peace that occurs after you start.   I know that this is the way that I was meant to become a mom.    At times, I still think about the fact that I will never experience pregnancy and I will never look at my child and automatically see myself in him or her, but the feelings about those aren't overwhelming.  What is overwhelming is that someday I will be mommy to a little person and I will get to share each moment with them and share their hopes and dreams and guide them in the right direction.   I won't see my nose or eyes, but I might see my love of reading or Brandon's love of the outdoors.

I'll never forget the struggles I've gone through and I'll never forget about the other people that struggle with building a family.  My hope is that we will all find peace in whatever road we end up taking.

To learn more about Infertility:

National Infertility Awareness:


  1. I wish we could put these myths out there all over the place...thanks for sharing...

  2. You will see yourself in him or her though. Truly you will. And you won't even think about it. My step grandma tells me about things that I "got" from her. That baby will be your baby through and through and you WILL see yourself and Brandon in him or her. <3

    On another note, I know how you feel about regret. Even though I've been pregnant twice, both pregnancies ended prematurely and with c-sections. I have a lot of regret knowing I"ll never experience a full term pregnancy with a vaginal delivery. It's tough to handle those regrets....I know, it's different and I'm in no way comparing my experience with yours, just saying I can sort of relate.