Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A Star Is Born...

Around 5:20 pm, the nurse opened the door to the operating room and told me to put up my mask and come on in.   I sat right next to B's head while they got ready to deliver the baby.  She had tears in her eyes, but all I could say was that she was doing a great job while they tugged and pushed around.    Finally, the anesthesiologist told me to get my camera ready and he said "stand up, stand up!"    I stood up and got my camera up to my eye just as they pulled the head out. 

A moment later, at 5:32 pm, he was completely out into the world and screaming at the top of his lungs!     They held him up high so we could all see, then the nurse told me I could go over to the warming station with them.    They weighed him and cleaned him up as best they could.  She asked me if I wanted to trim his umbilical chord and surprisingly, I said yes.   After that, they swaddled him and brought him to see B.   I had tears in my eyes the moment I witnessed such an amazing thing, but when the nurse handed him to me to be the first to hold him, all I could do was stare at him.   

I was able to go with him, into the nursery while they did everything they needed to do.   I called Brandon over so he could see through the window as they did his foot prints and measured him.    What an amazing little boy....

Baby T, 7 pounds 13 oz, 21 1/4 inches long
He has long fingers and big feet with long toes.  He has a ton of dark hair and at least one adorable little dimple. 

I was amazed that my fear of passing out during the C-Section turned into me witnessing him being brought into the world, cutting the chord, and later drawing blood for initial testing.   Apparently, all of those fears and worries go out the window when you are bringing a new life into the world.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Almost here....

After being super emotional because I was away from home, Brandon flew in to see me and to come with us to B's appointment on Monday morning.  We were all set to walk in and beg for someone to schedule her C-Section.    Her normal doctor was on vacation, so we saw a young, female doctor.  Right away, she said "so, we're getting things scheduled for Wednesday."    We like to think that they finally gave in since 4 people were walking into the appointment.  B thought maybe it was just Brandon's male presence.  Either way, Brandon wouldn't be heading home and instead we'd be getting ready for baby to arrive!

Monday evening, Brandon and I were gifted a hotel stay from a co-worker of mine. We had a great night out on the town in Scottsdale and enjoying each other's company as a married couple.

Tuesday night we took B out for a good meal since she wouldn't be able to eat pretty much all day Wednesday.  She was in good spirits, we talked a lot, and had a good evening.

Wednesday morning dragged on, but I tried to do some work while we waiting for the hours to pass.
Finally, it was time to go get B and head to the hospital.
We were her only support, because her case worker was actually out of town. I walked with her to register, we sat with her in the room while she waited to get prepped for surgery, and then - I suited up in scrubs....

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Ups and Downs

I often wonder just how honest I should be on this blog.  It is public, so anyone can read it.   I want to describe the process accurately, but I also don't feel like I should put ALL of my feelings out here.

I will say that the last couple of days have been emotional and trying.   Brandon had planned to come out here on Monday night.  I was so excited to see him and have him here.  We were planning to stay at my friend's house on Monday night, but get the hotel on Tuesday and start our time together getting ready for baby.  
But then, at B's appointment on Monday morning, things changed.  The date of the C-Section is no longer this week, unless medically necessary.  At this point, we aren't exactly sure when it will happen.  B was frustrated and concerned for her other child.  I was pretty emotional after I left. There are just so many unknowns.
And Brandon cancelled his flight, which added a lot more emotions. 
At this point, we are going to see what happens on Thursday at B's next appointment. They are going to monitor the baby and B, then they will check to see if she is dilated anymore.   We are both hoping for good news.  

Late this afternoon I took B to walk around one of the malls, then we picked up our pottery. I painted the owl for the nursery and B painted the puppy for him as well.  I think they turned out great!

When i dropped her off, I asked if she wanted to take the puppy for now and she said no, that I could keep it and put it in his room.   
I think he will love both of them and I can't wait to tell him that his birth mom painted that puppy while we waited for him together.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

My adventures

I worked Friday and just hung around. Nothing too exciting there, except for buying wine at Target for the first time. 

Yesterday I told B that I would pick her up and bring her to the post office so she could mail something to her 2 year old.  After that, we decided to go to this place where you paint pottery.  I've always wanted to do that, but never really had an excuse.   This was a great one!  We were able to sit and paint while we talked.  I picked a small owl and a picture frame for the nursery and she picked a small puppy to put in the baby room and an airplane for her 2 year old.  I thought it was very sweet that she wanted to paint something for the nursery.   I'm sure the little owl and the puppy will sit next to each other on a shelf in his room and it will be a great reminder of the time we spent together while we waited for this baby's arrival.
We talked about a lot of things such as music, what her son was like when he was little, and her friends. 

Finally, I asked her about the name.   I don't think I wrote about that here....   
See, I have been thinking about names for months.  Brandon and I narrowed down our favorites and found one we really loved a couple of weeks ago.    A few hours after we made the decision on our favorite name, we got an email from B with a list of names that she liked.  She asked if we liked any of them.
I was in a bit of shock, because I had no idea that she would want to name the baby.  
Her case worker told her that really, even though she will fill out the birth certificate, we could change his name at the time of finalization.    B understood, but said she really wanted us to all come up with something together.
So, we wrote her back with our favorite name as well as two others.
She didn't happen to like our favorite name, so I've had to go through a bit of grieving. 
At first, the thought of never being able to name a child tore me to pieces.   In the end though, I have to remember what kind of a blessing this could be to our son. Someday he will know that we all chose it together and that his birth mom wanted to be a part of it.
So it has been down to one of the names on our list and one of the names on her list.
Finally, yesterday, I asked her what she was thinking.  She said she was going to go with the name on our list. She said she liked it better and thinks it's a good name.  She said it's cute and it will look good on a job resume someday.
Sorry - I'm not going to tell all of you yet!   If you are reading this, and you know it - don't post here.  I will do an announcement once he's arrived with his full name.

Anyways, after we got done painting our pottery, we went next door to a frozen yogurt place.  At first, she was pretty unsure about it, because she said she doesn't like yogurt that you get at the grocery store.  She sampled a few things and finally decided on some Mango Sorbet and Raspberry Sorbet.  She LOVED it. 
She kept saying, "wow, two new experiences today!"

Then, on my way back to my friend's house, I got a flat tire in the rental car.   Right on the highway while I was talking to Brandon on the phone.  I have never gotten a flat tire while driving and I was not happy.  
While I was waiting for the roadside assistance to come, a highway patrol officer pulled up behind me and asked me what was going on.  She said it was not safe for me to stay there and we proceeded to go VERY slowly in the car to the next exit.   Then, she decided to start changing the tire for me.   It started to rain right as she was finishing and right as the roadside assistance showed up.   They finished things off and I was on my way to the rental car place.  This time, the closest one was not where I had picked up the car, but it was at the airport.   Let's just say, I cried in front of the rental car agents.... and eventually they helped me get things straightened out and I have a different car now.

Today I'm going to spend some time with my friend I am staying with as well as another adoptive mommy friend.   It will be nice to have some girl time and do something fun.   It is lonely being away from home, but things like this really do help keep my spirits up.   I am so thankful for everyone who is helping us.      I'm going to have to buy stock in Thank You Cards after all of this!!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Arriving in Arizona

I did make it through the airport by myself... getting a 44 pound bag checked, lugging an empty carseat to the gate and rolling along a stuffed laptop bag.   The flight was PACKED and I was thankful that I had a seat assignment before arriving.  It was a window seat and the guy next to me was a little weird, but overall the flight was uneventful.  

My friend Jenn picked me up at the airport and got me settled into her house.  I got to meet her beautiful daughter, her very understanding husband, and a pretty cute dog.
Although it was hard to fall asleep without Brandon, I got more than I usually do when I travel alone.

This morning we got up early so that I could pick up my rental car.   Once again, I've never gotten a rental car for myself and I didn't know what to say to all of those extra offerings.  I said no, hoping I was doing the right thing.   Of course, once I start driving I realize that this car has something going on... probably a tire or something since there is some shaking when I break.  I thought about turning around, but didn't want the hassle at the moment, because I was on my way to the doctor's appointment with "B".

I ended up getting there much earlier than I anticipated, so I found myself a Target.  Let me tell you, the feeling of finding Target in an unknown place is AWESOME.  I got a few essentials along with a cheese stick and a caffeinated soda to hold me over.   Once I got back into the car, I opened my soda and it exploded all over the car and me.   Just my luck really.  I'm on my way to meet this very important person and I get soda all over my denim capris, the car, my hands... it was just lovely.   I went to a gas station and tried to clean up the car.   In the end, I stopped at  a Walgreen's and got some baby wipes to wipe up the steering wheel and my hands.      Luckily, by the time I got back to the clinic, my pants didn't look wet anymore.

I got to the clinic before B and her case worker, so I was super nervous sitting there.  Eventually they came in and I was relieved when B hugged me.   We talked for 45 minutes before they were ready for her.   
When we got back to the room, B had to go to the ladies room and I introduced myself to the nurse.  I told her I was the prospective adoptive mom and she said "oh! I thought you were just with the agency.   Did you want to see the baby on an ultrasound?"   I said "oh wow, that would be amazing!  But I know that you did one a couple of appointments ago."   She said we could still do a quick one.   
So when the doctor came in, he asked B some questions then he said something to me and B said "oh, this is the adoptive mom".   For her to say that was... wow.  

Then, he did the ultrasound.... 
I can honestly say, I never thought I would witness one.  Especially one showing what hopefully will be MY child.   I was in awe. The doctor pointed out his head, an ear, a nose.... it was hard to see a lot because baby is down pretty low and he was holding his arm in front of his face.    I started to tear up and I smiled a lot.  The nurse saw me and gave me a smile too. 

B wasn't ready to deliver today, but she has some blood pressure stuff going on, so they did some blood work and we will get an update tomorrow.  Really, it could be tomorrow or it could be Monday... or Friday.   It's just so hard to tell right now.  We need to make sure B is ok and healthy as well as baby.

I took B out to lunch after the appointment and it was nice to get to sit and talk for a while.  She is a sweet girl and has been through a lot, but she laughs and smiles a lot, which is really good :-)
And she made me feel so much better too. Probably without even realizing it.   It sounds like this is for real.

I dropped her off and she hugged me again.
We'll see what tomorrow holds.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Send me your good vibes!!

I have made the decision to travel to Arizona this week. 
There is a possibility that "B" (yes, another B) will be admitted on Thursday after her doctor appointment and I want to be there in case that happens.  Last minute flights are hard to get and expensive.  So this way, i will be there.   If she does get admitted on Thursday, Brandon will join me in Arizona on Saturday. 

I have an amazing boss with a good employer who offers me the flexibility to work remotely.  So if the baby is not born, I will keep working down there. 

I have an amazing adoptive mommy friend who is letting me crash at her place and letting me use her Internet.

But, I am scared.  Scared out of my mind really.   Or is it just nerves? I can't really tell right now.   This is REAL, I am flying to an unknown place and meeting the woman who chose us to parent her baby.
I will be away from my husband; my rock, the person who keeps me level.     But I can do this.      I'll be praying I can anyways :-)

While I'm gone, Brandon and family/friends will be holding a fundraising garage sale.   Let's hope we make some good money!!     And we continue to leave our fund raising site up... we've already been so blessed.  Everything will come together, because it has to.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Quick Travel? Maybe!

First things first: Let's just say, between both sides of our families, we may be building some sort of football team.
That's right, this baby is another boy! 

Luckily, we have lots of friends and family who have boys, so we get lots of boys clothes without doing any shopping.   Of course, I did have to shop a little.

We talked with the expectant mom on the phone and she is very sweet and very laid back.  She indicated that she might want one of us in the delivery room with her, which is such an amazing blessing.  Of course, that could change and she has every right to change her mind when the time arrives.  I really view the hospital as her time, so every question she had about how WE wanted things to work left me dumbfounded.

After her initial appointment last week, they moved the due date up to August 1, with the idea of having a c-section about a week or so before that.   Well, things might be working a little quicker than we had anticipated....  we might need to fly down to Arizona much quicker than we had anticipated.   I won't know for sure until next Thursday. I'm freaking out a little.   I'm a planner by nature and this baby is showing us that you can't plan for him completely!  We don't have flights, we don't have a place to stay yet... any of that!   But I have to believe it will all work out.

I have had so many emotions these last couple weeks.   We are so excited and so happy. It seemed as though we would never get to this point and here we are.   Of course, I'm feeling a little stressed (ok, maybe a lot) with everything that needs to get done over the next couple of weeks.   I'm feeling a LOT emotional about my journey towards motherhood. There are a lot of fears that a prospective adoptive family has that parents through birth don't.  There are also a lot of added "steps" to the process of course. We've had to do more paperwork, have more discussions, and think about every item that goes along with traveling on perhaps short notice.

But another amazing emotion has also come through this journey - GRATITUDE.    I am so grateful for the support of our family and friends. Even the support from people that barely know us.
I am also so grateful for the expectant mother who has allowed us to talk with her and be a part of this process.  I'm sure that someday, we'll say we love her and she will be a part of our family.   That is one amazing piece of adoption.
I am also so thrilled because I have met some amazing adoptive moms through an online community and I will even get to meet a couple of them when we are traveling!  I have a feeling that life long friendships can come from journeys like this.

Thank you to everyone who have donated money to our travel fund or donated items to our fundraiser garage sale.    Tears come to my eyes when I think about it how all of you have a hand in bringing our baby home.