Friday, May 17, 2013

Mother's Day 2013

In the past, Mother's Day was filled with so much heartache. I yearned to have the thing that everyone else was celebrating and I cried because of the pain.

This year on Mother's Day, I woke up to my husband saying "Tell Mommy, Happy Mother's Day!"

I still have a little bit of tightness in my chest... I am a mother because of someone else's brave, yet difficult decision.   I am also still a stepmom, which brings it's own challenges.  To love a child and have them call someone else mom is pretty tough too.

But in the end - I was shown a lot of love on Mother's Day.  I received two new coffee cups - one for cold drinks and one for hot.  Apparently T and Brandon had an "argument" over which one to get (apparently Brandon says I am one hot mama so I needed the hot mug, but T said that I'm the coolest mom around, so i needed the cold cup).  In the end - I got both :-) I also got a super loving card from Brandon and TWO cards from T.

We went to the zoo and even R, now the middle child, came with us.  He actually CHOSE to spend the day with us and it made me super happy.  It was T's first time to the zoo and the first time Brandon and I have gone there together.  We looked at lots of animals and got some ice cream.    It was an added plus that I got in free, since it was Mother's Day and this year I could actually say "yep, I'm a mom".

Mommy and T

R (not so little anymore), T, and Mommy checking out the animals

Daddy and T

He loved the big aquariums!

T seems to be saying "um... mom, you're weird"

This... I love. Thank you R for capturing it!   
I get to be this little boys Mommy!  It's the best thing!

I even received my first ever daycare Mother's Day gift from Tristan.  These little items are so special!

Monday, May 6, 2013

Honesty... Being a Mom of a 9 Month Old

Honestly, I knew my life would change when I became a mom, but I don't think it really hit home until recently.

In the beginning, T went everywhere we did. We'd just keep him in his infant car seat if he needed to sleep. He would let just about anyone hold him and wasn't too fussy. We took him to friends houses, restaurants, shopping, etc.   It seemed pretty easy really.

Fast forward to recent times. T is now 9 months old and is very mobile. He uses a car seat that stays in the car, he is on a better sleep schedule, he eats finger foods as well as bottles, he asserts his independence... and did I mention - he is MOBILE and VERY BUSY.

We chase after him constantly now. He loves exploring and getting into things. He grabs dog toys, dumps over the recycling bin, and throws his food on the floor. Sometimes the only thing he wants is for me to hold him. He's been known to scream and cry and reach for me, even when Daddy is holding him.

He laughs and plays hard. He fights sleep and cries when he is tired.   Honestly, sometimes I cry with him.  

There have been times where Brandon and I have had to fight to bring some focus back to our marriage so that we didn't forget about each other.  There have been days where we are so tired that we barely make it to bed before closing our eyes.  

There have been times when friends and family have gotten upset that we don't have as much time to give to them. 

 I have cried with fear that I am not doing enough and cannot be enough.

I will be honest and say I miss being able to just pick up and do what I want.  We miss our friends. We miss our alone time.   We have only a couple of evenings per month where we are "kid free" now and we try to make so many different people happy.. including ourselves. We pack as much into those moments as we can and sometimes we are more tired afterwards!

In the end though, he is SO worth it.  He is worth every minute of lost sleep and every change in my life.  I pray that my family and friends know I still love them and know that this isn't forever.
I will keep trying to do everything and be everything, because that's what so many moms do.