Friday, October 21, 2011

The Wait

Here we are waiting....   we're ready to take a baby home at any time!  We have our foster license required by the state of WI for all domestic adoptions. We have our home study which says we would be a great home for ANY child or even twins!   But, we just have to wait.

Brandon tells people that we are at the "hurry up and wait" stage.  It's such a huge amount of work to get to this point and yet, here we are and things are out of our control.   I've printed the profile books, we've set up our facebook page, created business cards and started handing them out.    I feel a little lost without something to DO as we wait, but hopefully I will get some more ideas on November 5 when I go to a seminar on adoption networking. 

It's only been ONE month and I already feel like I'm struggling.  I'm not sure what this wait has in store for me and I hate the unknown, but hopefully someday - the struggle will be worth it. 

Friday, October 7, 2011

What I must remember....

I must remember that all of my life, I have felt like my purpose is to be a mother.   I know it in the fiber of my being that I am meant to have a child to raise and to love and to build my world around.    When most people were figuring out what their career paths were going to be, the only thing I knew for sure was that I was going to be a mom.         I think that's key - A MOM, not a woman who gave birth.   Because now I know that I am not meant to give birth, but that doesn't mean that I will not be a mother.   

Although my mom did give birth to me (which I am thankful for), the things that came after were probably more important.  She bounced around the house while I was a crying baby, she rocked me and sang Silent Night to me, she listened about my bad days at school, she gave me a curfew, she cried with me when I was hurting.   She has been my source of unconditional love. Even when I pierced my tongue at age 18 and she was furious, I know she still loved me.

So I must remember - that's what I want.   I want to soothe a crying baby, wake up for midnight feedings, push a stroller, hold a tiny hand, read bedtime stories, and teach about life and love.  I want to be a mother.

An adoptive momma, who's blog I follow, made me cry in a recent post.   Thank you for this.
To my dear friends who are still waiting for their precious dreams, I promise you, your dream will come true.  And in those darkest moments when you think all hope is lost, remember, that “no matter how your heart is beating, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.”  As someone who never thought this distant dream of mine would come true, I promise you this as true as the sky is blue, it will come true.

So I will choose to believe that my dream will come true.  Someday soon, I will be a mom.