Happy Valentine's Day

I have seen a lot of people posting online about Valentine's Day being a holiday that was made up by the card industry and I won't deny that it seems a little silly to only celebrate love one day a year.  Why not celebrate it all year long?     However, what's wrong with a day dedicated to love?

So today, I dedicate this post to my husband.  The amazing, loving, caring man that I get to share my life with.   Sometimes I look at him and am just amazed that he is sitting next to me...

the hottest picture ever from our wedding day

We aren't opposites, yet we compliment each other.  My weaknesses are his strengths.  He is calm, he is always hopeful, and he doesn't give up.  He has such a positive attitude in what I see are the darkest times.   He is a wonderful dad to his two sons and I know that he will be an even more amazing father to our child.

So Happy Valentine's Day to my best friend, my partner, and my soul mate. 

In this Together

There are moments, sometimes even days, where I feel so alone in the journey to becoming a parent. I feel surrounded by those who have experienced the joy and don't understand the pain that I feel as I wait. However, the truth is very different. I am not alone and when I look closely, I am honestly surrounded by people who deeply care. Some hurt right along with me and some just hurt because I hurt.

There are my friends who have been trying to get pregnant, but have not been successful. They know my pain of wanting a child.

There are my friends and members of communities that are waiting for their forever child through the gift of adoption. They understand how hard this wait is.

My mother who cries for me and dreams of the day I will become a parent and make her a grandma again. She also remembers how she yearned for 2 years to finally become pregnant with me.

My husband, who although knows the joy of fatherhood, hates seeing my pain. Although he seems calm, cool, and collected, he gets emotional when he thinks of how wonderful it will be to parent along side me.

And my friends who know how much this means to me. They may not hurt, but they want this very badly for me. They may not cry, but they will hug me when I do.

New Place for Our Slideshow

We were having a little bit of trouble with the other site for our slideshow, so here it is in a new home :-) Feel free to keep sharing it!

Beth and Brandon Adopt from Beth&Brandon on Vimeo.

Not it... again.

We received an email from our social worker that it was not good news; we were not chosen by the birth parents this time.  


Luckily, I wasn't heart broken like the last time.  I was sad, but I am trying to believe that our child is still out there.  We are one step closer to the baby that is meant for us.


Plus, I can imagine this little spirit saying, "hello... you don't even have the car seat yet.   You aren't ready for me."     Ok, that's true.  We ordered the car seat and it will arrive on Tuesday.   I am very excited about it actually and will most likely post pictures.   We are going to take this time to get more things ready and hopefully, our baby will find us and when he or she does, it will just fall into place.  

To boost my spirits a little, we actually went and registered at a store last night.   I felt a little strange when the girl was telling me about breast-feeding supplies and finally, Brandon said "well, we're adopting, so we won't be needing those."      I mean, I COULD try to breast feed, but it's most likely not in the plans for us, which I am ok with.       Walking around the store talking about products, using that fun little scanner, and deciding what we liked best was a fun Friday night for me.  More importantly, it made it feel real.   We are going to have a baby and we do need things! 

So, little baby B... we are getting ready for you!! 

Another Year...

I haven't posted in quite a while. I was waiting I suppose to have some inspiration.
2011 is in our rear view mirror now and now, I feel like I can write a little.

Right before Christmas we thought we had a chance, but the birth mother was matched quickly.
Last week was the first time our profile was shown to a birth parent.   We were asked if we wanted to be presented to a birth mother down in Texas who was due in a matter of days and we said yes.    I went into a little panic because we didn't feel ready. I spent the night after the call washing tiny baby clothes and buying a diaper bag.  I imagined that we would be getting a call the next day and our baby would be waiting for us.    
However, the next day was spent worrying... no calls, no updates.   I started to realize that we must not be the ones, because otherwise, we should be on a plane.   At 5:30, while out shopping, I received a call from our social worker saying that we were not chosen.

Once I got to my car, I broke down.  I spent the car ride home crying so hard I could barely see. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of disappointment that I did not expect.   I wasn't ready to go in the house when I got home, to put on a smile for my step-son, so I waited till Brandon got home.  I wasn't ready to put away the baby clothes that I washed, so I didn't.  They sat in the dryer actually.   

Brandon said, "this wasn't the baby for us. Our baby is out there."    But it didn't make the hurt go away.
Now, with some perpective and time, I know some other family was made VERY happy that day, because they became parents to a beautiful baby boy.  He was their baby.     Ours is out there.


And now, I type this with a little caution.  We received another call and our profile is being shown again today.
This time though, I am not preparing or running around waiting anxiously.   I will just wait to hear... that's all.
If it's meant to be, it will be.   I'm trying to act more like my husband. 

The only thing I'm worried about is money and travel expenses, but if we are meant to be parents this time, it will work out.    If anyone wants to donate.... well, you have no idea how it would make us feel.    



Wishing you all a blessed year to come.

Everyone keeps asking "how is the adoption stuff going?"   
I never know quite what to say because really, nothing is happening.    I know we are encouraged to stay proactive and not just "wait" but sometimes it's hard.       We put one of our adoption cards in every Christmas card we sent out, we continue to talk about our search to become parents through adoption, and I continue to hope.     But what else is there?

I am very lucky because Brandon is such a positive person.  He reassures me constantly that this WILL happen.  I WILL become a mother and he has no doubt in his mind.   But to be honest, I have lots of doubt. I have even asked myself in the past few weeks, "If I do not become a mother, what will I do?"    I have no answer really because I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember.  There is an ache in my heart that Brandon will never understand because he has children.   The only people who can relate are those who are in similar situations - hoping and praying that they become parents. 

Now the holidays are upon us and I must be reminded that at most of the gatherings, I am the only one who is not a mother.  I am reminded that although everyone wants to give me a gift, I have no desire to have much, except a child.    

I have friends who have become pregnant and even connections in the online world that have become parents through adoption recently and although I am happy for them, my heart hurts a little each time I read the news.
I will do my best to remain hopeful though, because what else do I really have?  I'm not giving up.  

A Call

Yesterday I received my first call from our case worker at the agency about a potential situation. I listened calmly to her explain that another agency contacted them about a baby that will be born in about a month. She was asking to see if we would be interested in having our profile shown.

Unfortunately, it is a situation that Brandon and I were not comfortable with. We had to say no and honestly, it broke my heart a little. I know that this was not the right one for us and I know the baby will find a loving home, but still, I never thought I would say no...

I wish the best for the expectant mom, the baby, and the future adoptive family.

And I can only hope that another call, one that we feel good about, will come again soon.