Have Minivan, Must Fill!

This weekend we made the leap and bought a minivan. 

We knew that we would need more space eventually, but about a month ago, after riding in the Ford Focus for 3.5 hours with the Oldest's knees in my back for the entire ride, I announced that we needed one SOON.   Fitting Brandon, myself, the two growing boys, and the 65 pound dog into the Ford Focus for trips was becoming harder and harder.   The truck is a little better because of it's width, but we don't always want to drive a vehicle that gets 11 miles to the gallon and only has 2 doors.

So we started looking a little online, went and test drove a few, looked online more and on Saturday went to a dealership that Brandon's cousin works at.   They no longer had the minivan we were originally interested in, but they had another one that they thought we'd like.   After taking it for a drive, talking about finances, and a couple of deep breaths, we bought it.

It's used, but hey - that's ok!   It's a 2005 Chevy Uplander, but it has less than 54k miles on it.  Whoever had it before didn't do much driving!  It's fully loaded - leather interior, heated seats, DVD player, 6 disc changer, etc.   I'm still trying to figure out all of the controls! 

I am a lot like my father though: I get buyer's remorse.    I over think all of the "what-ifs" and worry about having a car payment, but in the end I have to remember that this will be good for our family.  We will all fit comfortably and we will be ready to travel as a family of 5 (or 6 if you count Marley) when we are matched with our new child.    I can't wait to find the perfect car seat to go in our minivan!

Home Visit

They day finally arrived... yesterday morning we had our home visit with our social worker from the agency. 
Our house looked great - we spent a lot of time last week organizing, then while we were out of town with the kids (that's another post), my mom and dad came and did some more cleaning and final touches.  
She arrived at 10am and I was a big ball of nerves.  As she walked up the staircase to our house, I thought maybe I'd get sick. 

The awkward initial greeting where our dog barks and tries to greet her lasted about 2 minutes, then she said hello to the boys and asked them to show her around the house.   Neither of them seemed too excited to do so (they aren't young enough to be thrilled about showing someone the house), but eventually youngest step-son started taking her around.    After the short house tour, she went into one of the boys' rooms and talked to both of them. She asked them some questions about how they felt about having a new sibling and any questions they might have.   She was impressed with both kids and said they were very sweet.  She got a kick out of how different they are...

Then it was our turn, she talked to Brandon and I about the process and our feelings about where we are at, then she had to do a couple of more individual interviews.   All in all, the visit lasted 2 hours and now we just wait for her to write up the study.   I didn't realize that writing up the study actually takes a month or two before it's finalized and we are officially waiting to be matched.  I guess all we can do is wait....  and finish our profile of course so that we are ready to jump in.

It's hard to believe that we're almost done, yet it seems like it's taken forever at the same time.
My fear is still that it will take too long to meet our baby and that I will go through a lot of heartache, but we can only do so much. 

We DO have fun

I know that I've been posting a lot of emotions and feelings about this journey, but look - we have a lot of fun in our lives too.  We stay REALLY busy and I don't share enough pictures here, because mostly - I add them to Facebook.

However, here's a peak at what we've been doing....

In May, we attended the American Diabetes Association Gala

At the very end of May, beginning of June, as mentioned before - we went on our first real vacation!  Cozumel, Mexico!

I tried snorkeling for the first time and LOVED it

We went camping with friends - they had a sock hop and we dressed up

In July, we went to our friend's lake home and enjoyed beautiful weather

Just last weekend, we went to Fogo de Chao to celebrate my birthday









Today is my birthday...

I am 28 years old today.  The excitement over my birthday is not what it used to be.  I still want to celebrate it, but it's not quite the same.

A couple of weeks ago, my mother pointed out that when she was 28, I was already 2 years old.
I too planned on already having a child by this point in my life, but things don't always work out the way we want them to. Sometimes the universe has a different path we need to take.

I've been struggling the last couple of weeks as we try to get the house ready for the home visit and try to work on our profile that will be shared with birth parents.  To put every ounce of who you are into something that seems so far away is very emotional.

But there are things that give me hope.   Talking to other adoptive parents who at one point felt the exact same way as me, but now have a child in their arms - that gives me hope.    Folding a blanket that will one day belong to my child - that gives me hope.    Some people might say that it's strange to start buying things already, when we haven't even been matched, but I feel like I have to do it.   It makes it feel real to me.   Something like, "if you build it, they will come."    I'm building a life for my future child and it makes me feel like he or she really is out there.  

Yesterday, we bought a rocker/glider for the nursery off of craigslist.  Someday I will rock my baby in this chair and sing to him/her.  We will sit in this chair and read I'll Love You Forever.  My husband will lay the baby on his chest while they sleep.    This chair means a lot, even though it's just a chair.