There are times, even now, when I am scared to go on this path. My desire for a child has not gone away and never will, but my fear is that no matter how much I hope for it and work towards it, it may not happen. Then what will I be left with?
That fear eats at me sometimes, because admittedly, sometimes I am not the most optimistic person. Luckily, my husband is. He always assures me that it will all work out and that someday, there will be a child who is perfect for us and who we are perfect for. My mother is also a wonderful reassurance. Yesterday she reminded me how she prayed long and hard for me to come. It took her two years to get pregnant with me and I know that she went through a lot of heartache during that time, but eventually (obviously) I showed up. My mom has a strong faith and although I don't believe all of the things she does, it is reassuring when she tells me that God has given her peace over this and she is no longer worried and anxious for me. She believes that eventually, our child will be in our arms.
Brandon and my mom have filled me with hope again and I am pushing forward with all that needs to be done.
Today I'm hoping that all the paperwork, training, long wait, and tears will bring us to the perfect match.