Monday, September 21, 2015

You've Always Been Beautiful...

Let's go way back... back to when I was young - elementary school even.  What is one thing that sticks out so clearly to me?   I was the fat kid. How did I know?  Well, there was the time when a few kids called me a whale as I walked off my bus (this was probably at age 7 or 8) or the time in 6th grade when a girl said, "why didn't you get a pull-over starter jacket? Couldn't find one to fit?"
I know, kids are mean. They will say horrible things for no reason at all or pick the one thing that will get to you and keep picking, but the weight wasn't imaginary. I was heavier than most of my classmates. I couldn't shop in the same stores as my friends, couldn't wear the same clothes, and had a woman's body much earlier than some.   I lost some at one point in high school, but it came back plus more - especially during college.

Sure, I always had a boyfriend and people would tell me I had a gorgeous face.  I had friends who always said they loved my style even if I couldn't shop in a normal store.
But what was always in the back of my head?   - If only I was thinner - life would be so much better.
I feel like that's what we're taught by the media and society as a whole.  Heavy/Fat = BAD.  Thin = Good and Happy.    

In 2010 I lost about 40 pounds before our wedding. Over the course of the last 5 years, it came back. Working at a new job, then going through the adoption process, and then being a new mom - I allowed myself to go back to eating whatever I wanted.  I knew I had gained and I knew that I wasn't making the best choices, but... I don't know... it didn't quite hit me.

Then, on January 28, 2015 I had a doctor's appointment. They weighed me and for some reason this time I looked at the number they wrote down. I was shocked to see I was back to my highest weight.
I went to work that day and I think cried a little and told my work team that I needed to make a change.  That was the beginning of something...
I went home and talked to Brandon about it - I was so upset. How could I do this to myself? How could I let it all come back? How did I not notice??  I couldn't continue to live like that.

The next day I signed up for MyFitnessPal, an online tool that helps you track your food, count calories, and your exercise.

September 2014

December 2014

To be continued...