Thursday, September 22, 2011

Feelings all over the place

So, lately, I've been looking at Brandon and thinking "what would our biological child look like?"  
I've been feeling a little sad when I really think about never having a child with our genes mushed together. 
Perhaps it's because we've had some friends who have recently given birth or perhaps it's because I look at his kids all the time and see parts of Brandon, but none of myself.    His youngest looks so much like him, but his oldest only has little hints.   I wonder what would happen if we did have a baby.    Unfortunately, I will never get to see that unless perhaps we win the lottery!  I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before and here I am talking again.... 

 I feel at peace about our decision to forgo crazy medical interventions to get pregnant - not that they are CRAZY in general, but they would be much more involved than a we would want and we would have to spend a lot more money with little hope that it would work.   I have felt very good about our decision to adopt, because I know that I will LOVE the child that is placed with me with all of my heart.  I will fall in love with the baby the moment I see him or her.  Heck, I might even fall in love as soon as we are matched with the amazing birth parent that chooses us.    I am thrilled to have the opportunity to parent a child, no matter how that child comes to us.   

Because I know that I will FALL IN LOVE - I am so excited that our profile is DONE!!  I posted a link to it on the previous post and I am very proud of what I created for us.    This means that at any moment, we could be matched and I am just in awe of that!  

Now I feel like I want to buy everything that we could ever need for our baby.  I've been researching strollers and it is so overwhelming!  I'm hoping that Brandon and I can take a day to go to a few stores and try a bunch of strollers out.  It seems like such a big deal to pick out those big items!    If it were up to me, I'd fill our house with baby items immediately.  That's how excited I am!

1 comment:

  1. I cried when I read this. My heart aches for you. As you talk about how your own baby might look, I remember when I first saw you and you didn't look like my baby! You looked so much like a Seidl and I didn't see any resemblance to me which was a little shocking but I loved you anyway;o) The same will be true of your adopted baby. He/she may not look like you, but he/she is already a part of you and your heartfelt love will explode when he/she finally arrives and all this heartache will be forgotten. Just like the birthing process!