The last pieces of the puzzle....

We are nearing the end of our home study process.  We completed our three hour long Child Passenger Safety Training last night, next week we will do our Children's Mental Health training and we have a few pieces of paper to turn in.  We also have Multicultural Parenting Class in September, but that can be done after they have written the rest of the study.

I just received an email from our case worker asking to schedule our home visit.   When I read those words I couldn't help but feel excited, but also really anxious.   It is scheduled for August 16th at 10am.  We are going out of town to Wisconsin Dells on the 13th and returning on the 15th, so this makes me a little bit nervous.   I know that I will feel the need to clean the house from top to bottom.  Brandon says we'll just have to make sure it's ready to go before we leave for The Dells.    Inside my mind, all I can think about is the imperfections of our house and how we can make things look as good as possible.   People tell me not to worry and that she'll just be making sure the home is safe for a child, but when you are in this spot, you can't help but worry! 

If anyone has been through this before and can offer some suggestions or reassurance, I'd love to hear from you!   Or if you want to help clean my house - I'll take that too!

16 and Pregnant: Adoption Special

I had heard a few people talking about this special and was sad that I missed it.  Luckily, this morning they replayed the episode where Dr. Drew talked to some of the girls from the show who made the decision to make an adoption plan for their baby.

There was a video of one of the girls at the hospital after the birth of her child.  It showed the adoptive parents coming into the room and being handed this gorgeous baby girl.    I was flooded with emotions.   The bravery of the young couple, the excitement and awe of the adoptive parents.... what an amazing thing to watch.

Later, they showed a video that the adoptive parents made of their little girl in their home. She is two now and is such a joy to them.  They made the video as a gift for the birth parents and again it was SO emotional.

The tears flowed down my face as I watched all of this, imagining that someday I could be in that same position.   How could I ever thank the birth parents enough?    I don't think there are any words....

Here is the episode online if you're interested:
http://www.mtv.com/videos/16-and-pregnant-adoption-special/1667203/playlist.jhtml

Honestly...

There are times, even now, when I am scared to go on this path.  My desire for a child has not gone away and  never will, but my fear is that no matter how much I hope for it and work towards it, it may not happen.  Then what will I be left with?  

That fear eats at me sometimes, because admittedly, sometimes I am not the most optimistic person.   Luckily, my husband is. He always assures me that it will all work out and that someday, there will be a child who is perfect for us and who we are perfect for.   My mother is also a wonderful reassurance.    Yesterday she reminded me how she prayed long and hard for me to come.  It took her two years to get pregnant with me and I know that she went through a lot of heartache during that time, but eventually (obviously) I showed up.   My mom has a strong faith and although I don't believe all of the things she does, it is reassuring when she tells me that God has given her peace over this and she is no longer worried and anxious for me.  She believes that eventually, our child will be in our arms.

Brandon and my mom have filled me with hope again and I am pushing forward with all that needs to be done.
Today I'm hoping that all the paperwork, training, long wait, and tears will bring us to the perfect match.