Tuesday, May 10, 2011

What is a Mother?

Since I was a little girl, I dreamed about being a mother.  For years there has been an ache in my heart for it.

But, what is a mother?
Well, my husband doesn't call me the "googlemaster" for nothing!   Yes, I googled the definition of "mother".

1. female parent: a woman who has a child, or a female animal that has produced young
2. woman acting as parent: a woman who acts as the parent of a child to whom she has not given birth
3. originator: a woman regarded as the creator, instigator, or founder of something
4. origin of something: the cause, source, or origin of something
"Necessity is the mother of invention."
5. protector: something that protects and nourishes like a mother
1. take care somebody with tenderness: to look after somebody with great care and affection, sometimes to an excessive degree
2. give birth to baby: to give birth to and bring up a baby
3. bring something about: to give rise to something
I have not given birth nor am I the origin of any other human (or animal for that matter).    However, I have protected, I have nurtured and cared with tenderness.  I have "parented" a child that I did not give birth to.  
Ok, so according to this defintion, I could be called a mom and there have been times when I really did feel like one.
This weekend was not one of those times. This weekend I struggled to believe it when my own mother said, "Happy Mother's Day" to me.    I started asking myself, "does someone need to call me mom so that I feel like one?"    I'm still not sure I know the answer to that. 

All I can do is be myself. If that means that I "mother" my step-sons even when they don't want it or understand it, I will do it because I love them and care about them.   If that means that I call myself Marley's mom and people look at me like I'm crazy, too bad for the non-dog lovers.  If that means that I still long to be called "mommy" for real, then so be it.  I will embrace that need and continue to hope for it.

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